Oh Jesus, Corey and I are dying. What a gross start to the day.. It appears our beloved old man river, Link, ate a rotten duck egg yesterday because I woke up to the worst stench at 9:30 this morning. Within seconds that “no no no I don’t want to deal with this but I have to” anxiety kicked in and I staggered into the laundry and was greeted by a poo-tsunami and three animals pleading “LET US THE FUCK OUT OH MY GOD MUM WHAT THE FUCK CAME OUT OF LINKS ARSE?”
It was nooooot pretty. However once I deducted that it was Link ( most of the time if someone drops a plonker it’s Sophie or the cat and a game of “who dun it” but today it was easy- Sophie had her jocks on and the mess was a larger amount than the weight of her and Abby combined) I kinda perked up becaaaaaauuuuuuse I didn’t have to clean it uuuuuuu-uuuuuuup. Yay!! Its the only thing that ain’t my job when it comes to our animals. That dog is huge, he’s a mastiff / rottie / ridgeback / pitbull mix, weighs almost as much as me and takes shits worthy of a geological survey benchmarch.
“Oi Babe! Wake up it smells like popcorn!”
“Huh? You seriou- OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK?”
Took him half an hour to get it all cleaned up. Remember the Beavis and Butthead episode where Daria finds them in the puddle singing diarrhea-cha-cha-cha? The scale of it reminded us of that, for some reason, so we were laugh-drywretching as well.
The whole laundry got boiled water and hospital grade disinfectant. Twice.
Three and a half hours later, even with all the windows open, scented candles burning, the electronic air freshener on full blast and another wash of bleach WE STILL CAN’T GET RID OF THE SMELL. I think it’s melted into the paint on the walls. I KNOW it’s melted into my sinuses.
Well I woke up to a murder scene. Sophie’s on her first ever serious heat. Thank you, mother nature. She was obviously having trouble staying clean so we did the smart thing and took her for a trip to the pet shop for some “feminine necessities” (Oh my god I never thought I’d ever type that sentence, ha!).
So now pup-pup is rocking some seriously nifty thing made of elastic straps and “pleather” that has a napkin insert. All she needs is a cape and she can be Super Menses Mutt! When she’s outside we just slip it off so she can feel the breeze and it takes only a few seconds to put back on so she can go back inside.
I highly, highly recommend these sort of products for anyone with a dog on heat. It’s a bit kinder than exiling her to the bitches box up the back, especially with the really horrible weather lately.
This is Link, Corey’s eight year old Rottweiler cross. He’s the perfect mix of guard dog and oversized lap dog and we love him to bits. Before we lived in our current abode we lived on a tree farm, and he would come kangaroo and rabbit and duck hunting with us.
In February last year he made the terrible decision to go for a swim in our dam. He didn’t come home. We searched high and low and only found him the next day. He looked so crook when we found him, and after a bath to get the mud off him we soon found his injuries. He had torn his side open internally after jumping into the dam and landing on a metal fence-post. Dam water, mud, algae and tadpoles came pouring out of the wound, and we quickly made the 50 kilometre drive to the vet hospital. He underwent two separate surgeries of 6 hours total and for a long time we were scared we’d lose him.
Turns out our boy’s a fighter though! He pulled through it well. He doesn’t hunt with us anymore. It hurts him to jump or run too much due to all the scar tissue on his insides. He’s gone from muscly to wobbly and cold days and nights hurt his bones. He shares his futon mattress with a kitten. He bails up the postie for pats.
But that doesn’t matter. We think he’s great.